Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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