I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
