I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
