thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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