I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
