just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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