the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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