Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
