Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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