I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
