I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
