I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
