Can i not drive my cunt home
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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