can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
