I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
