Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
