I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
