I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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