The maid of honor just puked.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who died my cat blue again?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
