I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
