my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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