I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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