YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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