would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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