i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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