ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have so much sex to catch up on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
