Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
