Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
