I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
