She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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