my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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