How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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