Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize