everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
