I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
