At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
