Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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