my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
