dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
