found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
