How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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