there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
