True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Enjoy the penises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
