Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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