May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
