I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think my mom watched the whole time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
