im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
