Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
