She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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