Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
