Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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