I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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