The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
