It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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