I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
