I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
