boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
