I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
