Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
