it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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