Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
