Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
