Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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