some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
