uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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