Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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