How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
