At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
