The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
