A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
