hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
